New Book Review & Amazon Reviews

My friend Greg over at the blog, “The Strategic Monk” wrote me a nice review. 

Check out his fantastic blog while you’re over there. If you’ve read my book and have a chance, leave me a review on Amazon.

Have a great weekend!

Fallen Pastor: Who This Book is For – Including My Past Self

My book has been out for a month. I’ve had two book signings. Several book reviews. And a lot of personal feedback.

I want to be very honest with you. I had an expectation of who would read my book – pastors. But that hasn’t been the case. The people who are buying and reading the book are mostly the people in the pews. They are people who people who can be put in several categories.

First, there are people who know me and are curious about my story. They just wanted to know about my story. They wanted to hear what I had to say. Overwhelmingly, they’ve said, “Ray, you’ve been humbled, and you’ve learned a lot. And in reading your book, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to forgive people.”

Second, there are people who were curious about pastors and the battles they face on a daily basis. They’ve said to me, “Ray, I had no idea what pastors face. I had no idea that the struggles were so intense.”

Next were pastors who said, “You nailed it. I face those pressures on a daily basis. It reminds me that I need to be careful about the dangers around me. The stories in the book remind me of the sin that is so close to me. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to fall. I don’t want to lose everything.”

Then, there are people who have fallen in their own right. They weren’t pastors. They’re just Christians who fell in their own lives in adultery or some other way. They were afraid to say anything. They’ve said to me, “This book has given me a voice. It’s let me know that even pastors aren’t above failure. Everyone sins. And I know I can be restored again to Christ.”

Finally – and this one is difficult for me. There are people who buy the book and they never say anything to me directly. They are people who don’t like it. They think I’m a hypocrite still. They think I stood in the pulpit for eight years and was a liar for the entire time. They think my entire ministry was a failure for the sin I committed at the end of it. I never hear their voices, but I hear it from other people through second hand information.

And that’s absolutely okay with me. It gets posted on message boards. It gets passed on to me through gossip. Once upon a time, that kind of talk would bother me. But not now. I fell. And I fell terribly. I can see where someone would think my entire ministry was a sham because of the sin I committed. I can absolutely see that.

I stood in the pulpit and preached the word of God for eight years. I baptized people, visited the sick, loved a congregation and gave people my best, but in the end, I will be remembered as an adulterer to many. I deserve that if people want to think that. That is the fallout of my sin. That is the consequence of my sin. I have to live with that. All I can do is live a life that is holy and pleasing to God from this day forward.

The aim of my book is to help those who have fallen. To help those who are in the ministry and prevent a fall. To help those in church to understand the risks their pastors face. Pastors are human. They are in a dangerous culture that places dangerous expectations upon them. Many times, they chase after unrealistic expectations of ministry that stresses out their marriages and places them at horrible risk.

I wrote the book to warn people. I don’t care if I ever make a dime on this book. At this moment, I haven’t made a single red cent. My heart is to make sure that the church knows that there needs to be reform so that their pastors won’t be at risk. What we need are churches that don’t just care about Sunday to Sunday. But churches that care about authentic Christian community seek it week to week.

I crave a church, regardless of denomination to embrace their members, love them for who they are, despite their faults, including their pastor. And if and when a member of the congregation falls, seek them out to restore them. Not ignore them, but find them out as we are commanded to. The body of Christ is incomplete without any of our members.

Because the most important group I wrote this book for is those pastors out there who say, “That’s never going to happen to me.” I’ve met several of them. A few of them have bought books from me. I have talked with them. I was that guy.

In fact, if I could go back in time and taken the 2005 version of myself and brought him to my book signing, I know exactly what he would have thought:

“Look at this loser. He fell in the ministry. Selling books. What a jerk. He couldn’t hold fast to his call. I’ll buy his book. But I’ll put it on my shelf next to the other 400 books I haven’t written. I’m not going to fall. I have a seminary degree. That will never happen to me. I guess some guys are just like that.”

That’s who this book is for. Among others. It was for me. About a decade ago.

I hope you will read “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World.” Not because I want to sell copies. But because the church of Jesus Christ needs to be restored to a true fellowship.

Book Signing This Friday In Greenville

Everyone is invited to a book signing for “Fallen Pastor” at Rockford’s Place in Greenville from 5-6:30pm. There will be books there available for purchase.

Books are $15.99 each. Come for the signing and stay for an excellent dinner prepared by the amazing staff at Rockford’s.

Book Signing This Sunday

I know a lot of you don’t live anywhere near here, but for those of you who do, I’m having a book signing at Salem Baptist Church in Pembroke, Kentucky from 2:00-4:00. I’ll be speaking at 11:00 am on the topic of Restoration. There’s a potluck after church as well.

If you can pre-purchase a book, that would be great. I’ll have a few extra on hand, but I’m not sure if I’ll have enough. You can order by clicking the link to the right, or by checking my previous blog post.

I’m looking forward to seeing everyone there!

(I’ll be having another one in Greenville, Kentucky on February 3 at Rockford’s Place and I’ll post details soon.)

Fallen Pastor: New Ways To Order

I was looking online for places that might be selling my book. Found some. So I’m posting their sites and their listed prices – without shipping.

Books-a-Million: $17.59

Buy.com: $13.03

Barnes and Noble: $14.39

Of course, my publisher has been carrying the book since before publication for $15.99.

And Amazon.com has it for $15.99 and on the Kindle for $9.99.

See how many options you have? (I don’t suggest ordering it from the person who has it for sale used at Amazon for $45). Just sayin’.

If you see it anywhere else online, let me know and I’ll post it here. Thanks! And thanks to those of you who have already ordered. If you’ve enjoyed it, please take time to post a positive review on Amazon. God bless!

When The Heart Needs Healing

I’ve been off the grid for about a week and I have a pretty good reason. And it turned into a good illustration for a blog (I hope).

Last Monday, I was finished up with covering a basketball game in a neighboring county for my sports medicine job. I went to my car and when I got in, I had terrible chest pain. I’d had indigestion all day, so I just dismissed it. I started the hour long drive home and it kept getting worse. So, I kept ignoring it even more.

There came a point about halfway home that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My heart was racing, my chest was throbbing, my head was hurting and my neck was aching. I pulled over and called Allison. She told me to call an ambulance. I explained to her that I was in the middle of nowhere and that I was perfectly fine. I wasn’t.

When I got to the county where I work, my left arm started to hurt. Left arm pain. Yeah, that kind of left arm pain. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I drove to the hospital where I work and went into the emergency room. They got me right back and hooked me up to the EKG.

The nurse said, “Oh, you’re having an SVT.” One of them jogged out to tell the ER doctor.

“Excuse me? I said? What is an SVT?” I probably should have listened better in one of my medical classes. But Lord, that was almost 15 years ago.

“Tachycardia. Your heart is beating at 250 beats a minute,” she said.

I’m a bottom line guy. Don’t tell me anything but facts. “So,” I said, “what’s next?” A thousand things ran through my mind. Surgery, helicopter ride to Nashville, getting buzzed by those paddles, whatever.

“It’s fixable with a shot,” she said as they wheeled me to “Room 7.”

They quickly hooked me up to an IV and the doctor said, “We’re going to give you this medicine and it’s going to feel like your heart has stopped for a second.”

Not reassuring. I was concerned as I watched my heart rate race across the monitor next to me. The medicine went in and I waited. And suddenly, everything slowed.

They told me as I lay there that it wasn’t an uncommon thing, that lots of people have SVTs. Lots of things can trigger it. Caffeine, sickness, stress. The nurse said, “Looks like you’re going to live.”

I said, “You just disappointed a lot of people.”

Of course, it was an emergency room, so I had to wait a while. I had a lot of time to think. And count the ceiling tiles. And pray. And thank God for another day in this world.

Then I started thinking about the past two or three years. The tough times, the stress, falling in the ministry, God putting me back on my feet, people helping restore me, writing a book. Then I really, really started to think.

People ask a lot of questions about ministers who fall. Just that afternoon, one woman had bought a book. Her pastor had fallen and she asked a question that many ask – “Why did he do it?” I still don’t have a standard answer for that. There are a lot of issues in the book that I deal with that lead up to a pastor falling. There are environmental things, crises, relationships, and personal problems.

But as I lay there in the hospital, I started thinking about the heart condition of the pastor.

Before we are saved, the Bible tells us that we are dead in our sins and trespasses. (Ephesians 2:1) We have no spiritual pulse. That’s when God comes in, regenerates us and gives us life. We become a new creation. Similarly, Jeremiah 17:9 says, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

We don’t expect our church leaders to fall. We expect them to be people with renewed hearts, following God. But sometimes, they sin. Sometimes, they give into their sinful passions. I’ve never had a good way to explain that to people. Until last Monday.

Sometimes, all of us, our spiritual heartbeats (which have been made alive by Christ) get out of whack. We turn from Him. The only way we can have it fixed is when we seek Him out and repent. When we do, He makes us right again. My heart was messed up Monday and I had to seek out medical help and I got it. I couldn’t have been made right without medicine. Two years ago after I fell, my heart was messed up for a long time. I wasn’t made right until I sought God out and He made me right. But even my seeking Him out was His work.

He’s never given up on me. He’s always been there, even when I’m at my lowest. Even when I constantly reject Him or try to drown out the symptoms of a failing spiritual life.

Thanks be to God for His longsuffering. May we all seek Him out, especially when we don’t think we need help – because that’s usually when we need it the most.

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Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World is available at Amazon.com and is also available for the Amazon Kindle. It will be available soon at other outlets. Ask your local bookstore about availability.

“Look at me, I’m a gravy boat!”

I have somewhat of an ego problem.

Now, if you know me at all, you’ll find yourself tossing your head back, laughing and saying, “Oh, really? Tell me something I didn’t know, Ray.”

This really has something to do with gravy, the world’s greatest food/beverage. I promise. I’ll get there in a minute.

In my book, I interviewed a guy I named Kris. He admitted to having a big problem with his ego. He said that his ego got way too big for him to manage. He said that in his megachurch, he loved to advertise. In fact, he said something along the lines of, “Advertising for me is like crack cocaine.”

I found after my interviews that a lot of pastors who fell fed off of appreciation and affirmation. It was like a drug for them. It was like that for me. I needed constant reassurance. Thankfully, I got a lot of that from my mom who constantly told me how proud she was of me. But one day, she was gone.

Let me tell you how I’ve been operating in the flesh for the past few weeks. I’ve got some nice business cards with my picture on one side and a picture of my book on the back. Snazzy. I’ve got postcards I’m mailing out to advertise my book signing. Lovely. There’s nothing wrong with those things. I’m happy that I’ve got a book out there that has the potential to help a lot of people.

One of my favorite quotes from Sir Conan Arthur Doyle in the Sherlock Holmes series is when Holmes says the following to Watson:

“My dear Watson,” said he, “I cannot agree with those who rank modesty among the virtues. To the logician all things should be seen exactly as they are, and to underestimate one’s self is as much a departure from truth as to exaggerate one’s own powers.”

The only problem is that some of us don’t know how to measure modesty. I get a pat on the back, a few words of encouragement and it goes straight to my head. It empowers my sinful ego. I begin to think, “Yeah, I did that! Look at how far I’ve come!” And next thing you know, I’m Alexander the Great.

To be honest, I’ve been an absolute jerk to live with the past few weeks. Know why? Because I’m the “guy who wrote a book.” Look at me.

I had a wake up call today. God put me in my place. And it wasn’t nice. Remember this verse from 2 Corinthians 4:7?

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

It came crashing to my mind today along with a mind picture.

I love gravy. It is the greatest thing ever invented. My mom used to make the best brown gravy after she would make fried chicken. I’m really keen on white gravy. It really does count as a beverage. You can pour it on anything. Bacon, fried chicken, meat loaf, pancakes. Anyway, gravy is the bomb.

If you are a gravy connoisseur, you must have a gravy boat. There are some decent gravy boats out there too. You can get them made of glass, silver, stainless steel or ceramic. When that gravy boat comes to the table with piping hot gravy, you may make notice of it for a moment, but you are really craving the gravy. When that gravy comes, you could care less if the gravy is served in a brown paper bag.

When I fell two years ago and God took my horrible mess, redeemed me, saved me, made me whole again, I was nothing. He scraped me up off the dang pavement and put me upright. For some reason, he saw fit to allow me to put a story into words that might help other people out there. I have no idea why He did it, but He did it. It was in His sovereign plan and purpose to do so and He did it.

I had nothing to offer Him but a broken soul and heart. I was a fifty cent gravy boat held together with super glue and duct tape. But He saw fit to put in me a message of importance – His message. The gravy that might help some people and minister to Him. Not my message, His message. Not because Ray Carroll is important, not because I have some great ability, but because He is an awesome God.

I was needfully reminded today that if there is anything good to come out of this book, my life, my ministry, it is all because of Him, not me. I am a broken down gravy boat. Without Him, I have nothing. Without Him, I have no voice. Without Him, I have nothing to offer. I have no tomorrow.

Lord, thank you for reminding me that I am a vessel. The worth I have comes from the treasure of your Son, Jesus Christ that you have filled me with. Do what you will with the treasure you have given to me. May the glory belong to You and You alone.

Fallen Pastor: Kindle Edition Now Available

Since I’m a tech geek, I’m pretty excited. The ebook version of my book is now available. You can get it at Amazon.com for the Kindle for $9.99.

Thanks to my publisher for getting it out there so fast.

So, to those of you who prefer the ebook, there it is. Enjoy!

What Goes Into a Book

Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World has officially been out for a whole day now. I want to take a moment to thank some people who made it happen. Without them, this project wouldn’t have been what it was. They’re not in any particular order, just as they come to mind.

Thanks to Jake Larson, co-founder of Fireproof Ministries. He gave me a lot of quotable material and he graciously wrote the foreword for the book.

Mark Roberts, Hershael York, Bill Leonard, Roger Barrier, Steve Reed, Rodney Cox, David Trotter, Michael Todd Wilson, and Kailla Edger are all names you should get to know if you don’t already know them. Each of them allowed me time for an interview and most of them I quoted profusely in the book.

Thanks to the men I interviewed for the book who were fallen like I was. Each was at a different stage, but they each opened up to me immediately, even though they didn’t know me. We each shared a common bond and experience. I learned much from them.

Thanks to my editor, Jonathan Brink, who gave me great insight, guidance and support. He is a joy to write for.

To all of my blogging and Twitter friends who have followed me since before I had a book offer. You know who you are and I love you dearly. Thank you for being there for me. I wish we weren’t separated by miles, but am thankful we can still communicate via electricity.

To my hometown friends in Russellville. You’ve been very supportive and I really appreciate that. Russellville is and always will be my home and I miss it dearly.

To my children, thank you for loving your daddy. You were the first to forgive me and you’ve always believed in me.

Allison, I love you with all I have. You’ve seen my best and worst yet you stand by me. It’s been a journey and it’s only just begun.

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Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World is available at Amazon.com. It will be available soon at other outlets. Ask your local bookstore about availability.

Finding Restoration in a Broken World

Today is the official release date for my book, Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World.

I’ve got a thousand different emotions going on and a lot of things I want to blog about, but today, I want to take a moment to write about the basic idea of the book.

I fell from the pastorate two years ago when I committed adultery. There were a lot of factors that led to my fall that are common among other pastors. Unrealistic expectations, isolation from friendships, declining relationship with spouse, church conflict and major tragedy. In the end, it was my decision to sin. I’ve discussed that a lot on this blog.

Today, I stand in amazement, though. I’ve found restoration.

Two years ago, I hit rock bottom. I thought God wasn’t listening and I was sure He didn’t care about me. I felt like a failure as a pastor (before and after I fell), I had lost both parents in separate accidents within a year of each other, and I had no one to talk to. In fact, I was pretty sure God had it in for me.

There were days long before I even contemplated adultery that I stood in the pulpit with a smile on my face, tie on properly, shirt pressed, but with a dark, hardened heart. Then the fall came. During the months after, I was sure no one would ever speak to me again. I was sure the stain of sin would be a mark that could never be removed. I was sure that shame would be my constant companion for the rest of my miserable life.

Slowly, repentance came. I discovered that truly, God is a longsuffering and patient God. If He were not, I would have been a grease stain on the carpet of my former church a long time ago. He waited for me when I would not wait for Him.

After I sinned, I had few people who would speak to me, but the ones who remained were the right ones. They encouraged me, loved me and walked with me. I had two close friends who were patient, sometimes firm, but always loving. I reached out to fallen pastors throughout the country who were in various stages of their own fall. They each encouraged me, told me the truth and prayed with me.

My new wife Allison and I also went through a process during that time as well. She watched me as I went from angry to depressed to anxious to humbled.

Those months were terrible, yet redeeming. They are etched in my mind and will stay with me forever. They were necessary for God to break me and make me into something usable.

Very few are willing to reach out to a fallen pastor. It’s something I ponder in the book. A lot of people don’t know what to say to him. Some people think they might be “guilty by association” if they speak to him. Typically, he is cast out, never to be heard from again.

At some point, God grabbed me and said, “I’m not done with you. I have plans for you, but I’m going to humble your proud heart in the process.” He did. And He continues to do so.

When I speak of restoration, I don’t mean restoration to the pulpit. I don’t even mean restoration to the ministry. I just believe that fallen pastors need to be shown compassion and love. They need people to walk with them, to show them the way to brokenness and repentance. It’s important because even a pastor can’t always find the right path, even though we think they should know the way.

I recently joined a ministry team, Fallen Pastors (www.fallenpastors.com) who help pastors who are contemplating sexual sin or who have already fallen. They have a small staff, but do their best to answer every email. If you are a fallen pastor or are in trouble, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. It can become isolated, it can feel like you’re alone. But you’re not.

This book isn’t about me. It’s not about my glorification. It’s about the glory of God and restoring those who have fallen. There is a problem with the culture in which we live. The best thing about problems is that they are fixable. Together, with the compassion of Christ, we can fix people, we can fix cultures and we can find restoration in this broken world.

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Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration in a Broken World is available at Amazon.com. It will be available soon at other outlets. Ask your local bookstore about availability.